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Sonic Syndicate: We rule the night

30/09/10 || cadenz

Sonic Syndicate, the poster boy of the new genre called Sponsored Product Ad Metal (SPAM), is upon us again. Watch this video and see how many energy drink logos you can spot. Then send as many hate mails containing the very same energy drink in the sensitive digested-and-then-regurgitated state to the featured company, and another bunch to the band themselves. Then proceed by boycotting both parties during the rest of your life. Just do it. OK, good we got that out of the way, let’s focus on the music.

SS are a modern melodic “metal” band sporting “harsh” and “clean” vocals and a chick on bass. If any word ending in “-core” (except for “grindcore”) pops up in your head, you’re on the right track. “Mainstream”, “boring” and “fucked-up” are three other obvious choices. Again you are correct, sir. “We Rule the Night” is an abomination of a pop record, disguised by distorted guitars and some “shrieks” as “metal”. This, ladies and gentlemen, is not how you make music. This is how you water your plants with piss and have them turn into carnivorous beasts that eat your intestines, shit ‘em out and make you devour your own inside in the form of floral feces, all part of a jolly good and ironic circle of life. Yes, I’m a disturbed person. Partly because I had to listen to one of the most over-hyped and shittiest albums in recent memory. Guess which one.

The songs we find on “We Rule the Naught” are so full of stool that a coprophag would cum in his pants by the sheer sight of the cover, that gives me the Recent Shitty Teenage Vampire Movie vibe. Actually, after looking at it for a while, it seems to me that it pictures a gigantic testicle falling down from the skies to squash and destroy a city. Talk about getting sacked. Haha. Sorry. I’ll go hide in the closet. Anyway, the songs really don’t display anything else than mediocre melodies, tired riffs and arrangements used a million times before. The danger factor is below zero. This is metal for 13-year-olds.

So, what’s the production like? Well, it screams: “I am metalcore. I have as many jagged edges as the inside walls of a padded isolation cell”. It’s professional for sure, but lacks balls and character. The same could be said about the band members’ playing and singing efforts. The clean vocalist sounds alright, but his sound is as original as the local preacher’s promises of the second coming of Jeebus. Nothing wrong in the instrumental department either, everything is tight and polished. Too tight. Too polished. It’s the aural equivalent of a waxed virgin ass, except it’s situated on the exact opposite side of the Fun Scale™. The “harsh” vocals are a chapter of their own. I never knew sounding like a cat suffering of PMS getting woken up by a swift, unexpected assault by an (unbuttered) mace up its ass could be labeled as “harsh vocals”. I guess it’s a harsh way of waking up, if nothing else. Oh well. I’ll tell my neighbor his cat has a promising future in metalcore.

All in all I can summarize this review in three words: fuck Sonic Syndicate. Fuck ‘em in the ass. (I know, I know, that’s more than three words, but if you say number 1 you gotta say number…)

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Nuclear Blast
Website: www.sonicsyndicate.com
Band
Richard Sjunnesson: harsh vocals
Nathan James Biggs: clean vocals, harsh vocals
Roger Sjunnesson: lead guitars, keyboards
Robin Sjunnesson: rhythm guitars
Karin Axelsson: bass
Johan Bengtsson: drums

Tracklist
01. Beauty and the Freak
02. Revolution, Baby
03. Turn It Up
04. My Own Life
05. Burn This City
06. Black and Blue
07. Miles Apart
08. Plans Are for People
09. Leave Me Alone
10. Break of Day
11. We Rule the Night

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